The weather today was perfect...I took my work outside and just enjoyed the sunshine, and maybe got a sunburn *crosses fingers*. I can't even believe this is January. I've had spring fever for a month now. Isn't God so good to give us a glimpse of spring in the middle of winter? Because sometimes winters can be so long...and feel like they will never end...much like the harder seasons of life. But it's the cold days that help you to enjoy the warm ones, and the difficult times that help you enjoy the good times.
I've been sick for a couple of days and have just felt the Lord asking me to be still and know that He is God. Sometimes I think he allows me to be sick just so that I will slow down and take the time to listen for His voice. Funny how my body is tired and I still don't feel completely back to myself yet(sitting here coughing and sniffling as I type), but my spirit feels so refreshed. Life doesn't have to be perfect to have a perfect day. Today was a perfect day. Just to feel Him right here with me, to have renewed vision and a rested soul...that's what has made this day perfect. I'm seeing life through different eyes.
You see, I have a tendency to worry about things I can't change. I get all caught up in the what if's and if only's of life and forget to enjoy the moment. Sometimes I forget that life is precious. I forget that each day is a gift, and that I only get one chance to live it. I'm the safe girl. I've always wanted to live inside my personal bubble where all is happy and comfortable, and no one can touch me unless I want them to. It's safe in there. But it's the slowest, most painful and lonely death you can imagine. No one knows it because no one is allowed in. But He sees, and I know it hurts Him. Over and over I heard Him whispering to me, "You were made for so much more than this." But He is patient with me. He stayed close and kept reminding me of my worth in Him as He waited for me to finally give up and let Him heal and restore things that had been broken for far too long.., things that if I let them, would keep me from ever being able to truly love anyone. In 2014 Jesus asked to pop my bubble. He asked me to be vulnerable, first and foremost to Him, but also to be vulnerable enough to allow myself to truly love people. I was afraid, but I let Him and He made me brave. I was hurt. Again. And again. And again. But it was worth it. Because love sees the bigger picture and doesn't get caught up in how it hurts. Love sees the hurting person and carries them and lays them before Jesus over and over and over, believing that one day they will give Him their entire hearts.
My word for 2014 was Forgiveness. And I got a good lesson in that one. It was soul-cleansing. I grew so much...I'm not even the same person that I was at this time last year. I pray that each year only gets better.
Tonight I was sitting in the pasture, talking to my Jesus, chasing sunsets...taking the time just to be still and know that He is God. The beauty of that sunset could not be captured on camera, but I think I'll remember it forever because of the conversation God had with me there. As I sat there on the fence in my sweatpants and daddy's boots, with my crazy, messy hair soaking up the last rays of sunshine for the day, God started talking to me. He reminded me how I've tried to live my life safely.., and how my dreams have always been so small.., much too small for Him. The words he gave me for this year are, Dream and Risk. Words that are small in letters, but big in meaning. I know that it will take an entire year for me to come to an understanding of what He wants those words to mean to me personally. I don't know where He will have me a year from today, but I'm tired of trying to live my life safely. Let the journey begin.
John 3:30-He must become greater, I must become less.
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