Becoming God-built

2015 has been a year so full of hard things that it's hard to really look back on it. When I look back to the very first days of January I just think, "Oh girl, you had no clue what was coming." And I didn't.  Back in December of 2014 as I was working one afternoon, listening to Christmas music and looking forward to the holidays, God began to speak to me.  It was so clear what He was saying to me that I stopped working and started writing it down on sticky notes.  He told me that 2015 was going to be a year of building. "Build spirit. Build mind. Build body. Build habits. Build friendships. Build ministry."

But I still had no idea.  I went right back to working without thinking about it again.  Until the tearing down began a couple of months later.  When God said, "build" I didn't realize He meant we were starting from the bottom.  This year I have questioned everything I've ever believed.  I've walked through things I never thought I would face.  I've struggled with things that I never thought would be a struggle for me.  And I've had to ask for help.  More than once.  There have been mornings where I haven't wanted to open my bible at all.  I've been angry with God.  I've questioned His sovereignty.  I've lost battles, and won some.  I've cried myself to sleep over and over again.  And I've also been brave and shared my story on platforms, on the phone and over coffee in quiet coffee shops.  I've admitted my shortcomings to people who will point me to Jesus and help me get back on track.  And let me say, when you're walking through hell, don't ask for advice from anyone who won't point your heart back to Jesus.  He is the only way.  The. Only. Way.

I've felt so broken and thought my heart was beyond repair.  But Jesus.  Jesus heals broken hearts.  He heals broken families.  He restores broken dreams.  He is beyond faithful.  His grace is completely sufficient.

When I thought all hope was lost Jesus was at work creating something good and something lasting.  We can't control the people we love.  We don't have a say in what happens to us, but we get to choose how we respond.  Do we turn to Jesus or get angry with Him?  Thankfully for me, I've had countless opportunities this year to get it right.  I've won battles and lost battles and I've come out so much stronger.  I was waiting for it to get easier.  I was waiting for life to stop being so hard so that I can have a break, catch my breath, and it hasn't happened.  It's just one thing after another.  I've finally realized that it doesn't ever get easier.  But God is faithful.

"Sustaining grace does not promise the absence of struggle but the presence of God." ~Max Lucado

This year has been a building year.  Becoming God-built is not a comfortable process.  It hurts.  A lot.  And I know there's still much to be done.  Can't stop.  Won't stop.  I'd rather walk through trials with God than without Him.  He is my only hope.  Looking forward into January, there are still things that look scary, a lot of unknowns that threaten to steal my peace.  But I'm making the choice to look only at Jesus.

This year I'm choosing faith over fear.  Faithfulness over giving up.  Jesus over anything or anyone else.  Only He can satisfy.  Only He can be enough.

God is a lot bigger and a lot stronger than I ever knew before.  I constantly fall short, but He is so patient and His love is so deep.  And even though things have not been easy, my heart is overwhelmed with gratefulness for how the Lord has sustained me and the people He has put into my life to show me His love in a very real and personal way.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.  Great is Your faithfulness." ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Goodbye 2015!  I won't forget you.